What “Nice Later” looks like in the workplace (and why it fails)
You know that saying- A shattered glass can never be whole again? Sure, you must have tried to glue the pieces back together, but the cracks? They are always there.
The same goes for bad behavior — it does not just ruin someone’s day; it chips away at trust, confidence, and respect.
And even if it’s followed by a quick apology, a warm smile, a kind gesture, or even compensation (in any form), nothing can justify the impact it leaves on the other person.
And when you are in a leadership position, the consequences run deeper. The moment may pass — something gets broken. The integrity. Psychological safety. The respect your team had for you. And no matter how ‘nice’ you try afterward, it doesn’t erase what happened. Because leadership isn’t about damage control; It’s about not causing harm in the first place. It is about being mindful of your words, your actions, and the weight your words and actions carry.
Also read: Doing This One Thing Will Help You Become A Better Leader
What are the common traits of leaders who rely on “Nice Later”
More than strategy or speeches, it is a leader’s behavior that makes or breaks the team. Where some unknowingly slip into damaging patterns, for others, it becomes a default mode — one that requires immediate reflection and course correction.
- Inconsistency: Predicting the mood and reaction of such leaders is difficult. Their behavior is erratic.
Teams under their leadership often walk on eggshells, unsure whether they will encounter a mentor or a critic. Some days, their energy lifts the room; other days, even the smallest mistake can trigger visible frustration or passive aggression.
- Emotional outbursts: Leaders who mistake emotional impulsiveness for “being real” often react before they reflect. They confuse authenticity with volatility. Their feedback feels more like venting out than coaching, leaving team members feeling small, confused, and disrespected.
And here comes the irony, after behaving poorly, they assume a friendly gesture will undo the damage.
For example:
Day 1: They may speak harshly during a meeting
Day 2: They will throw a Friday pizza party with a “Hey, no hard feelings” message
The gap between the two is not just time, it’s ‘trust lost’.
- Transactional empathy: These leaders are agenda-driven; all they want is results. They show kindness and empathy only when it is convenient for them or they need something. For them, connection is a tactic and not something that drives value.
Employees feel hesitant to reach out to them for any kind of support, fearing the support will come at a cost.
For example,
“Take the day off if you need to. But make sure the client presentation is still ready by tomorrow, okay?”
These words signal hollowness in their essence.
What “Nice Later” looks like in the workplace (and why it fails)
“Nice Later” moments come across as an act of repair, and that’s what makes them toxic. They pursue this act to enhance the team’s performance, while in reality, they do something that does exactly the opposite.
Here is how it commonly shows up in the workplace:
- Public criticism, private praise: These leaders don’t filter in the moments of stress or frustration. They won’t think twice about calling out someone in a meeting with biting feedback.
To them, it doesn’t matter if others are watching or how humiliated the person being criticized is feeling — they just make their point.
But later, they don’t mind quietly circling back with a casual text, “Sorry if that came off harsh. You’re still doing great work.”
This private praise doesn’t undo the public damage.
- Overworking teams, then offering perks: These leaders push hard. They normalize work weekends, last-minute urgent requests, and workloads that require teams to extend work hours.
For them, throwing a casual team lunch or a fun offsite often compensates for all the work pressure.
Sure, teams may appreciate this gesture and smile for photos, but behind the scenes, the exhaustion and resentment stay.
- Ignoring until problems escalate: Turning a blind eye to problems until it’s too late is another negative leadership trait. These leaders dismiss employee concerns, as they don’t see them as priorities.
It is only when the situation escalates — like a sudden employee resignation, project failure, or a client relationship breakdown — that they bother to listen.
And I might sound harsh here, but in some cases, it is just an illusion of care. Not because they suddenly care more, but because they’re managing the fallout.
How to lead without leaving scars
No one is perfect. We are human, and we all slip up.
And I’ll admit — even I have been reactive in moments when I should’ve paused and listened. But that’s the kind of awareness that only comes with experience and honest self-reflection.
After all, in the end, we are responsible for our actions and our team’s well-being. And your leadership style should never become the reason your team suffers or walks away.
Here’s what I’ve learned to do from my experience:
- Pause before reacting: In tense moments, taking a moment for yourself prevents collateral damage. While this pause may feel awkward during the conversation, trust me, it saves grace. Also, it makes you come across as a mindful leader, not a ticking clock.
- Invite reflection: When something goes wrong, do not bash out. Instead, create space for dialogue exchange.
Replace
“Why did this happen?” to
“What made this harder than it needed to be?”
This creates an opportunity for your team to grow and learn from their mistakes while positioning you as a true leader.
- Apologize early, not eventually: Owning up to your mistakes doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. It shows your team that you value accountability over ego. Do not make excuses, just say it: “I didn’t handle that well.”. When teams see their leaders taking ownership without defensiveness, their trust grows in you. Over time, they start modeling your behavior.
Also read: How lack of accountability creates chaos in teams and ways to fix it
Leadership isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being responsible with your influence.
No one admires a leader who abuses authority as a shield for their bad behavior. Because, in the end, no amount of late-stage kindness justifies bad leadership behaviors.
What separates trusted leaders from the feared ones isn’t perfection, it’s intention. It’s the ability to lead, without wounding.
Real leadership means showing up with self-awareness, consistency, and respect, especially when it is hard. Because influence is a responsibility, and the best leaders carry that weight carefully.
Originally published at LinkedIn.com
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